Playing a Hard Nine

I know understand why baseball is the American pastime. I hate to speak in sports metaphors, but I've learned to take advantage of inpiration whenever strikes me, especially when it is a positive.

You've probably already read the story...Cardinals down to their last out, two strikes away from being eliminated, only to have Albert Pujols belt a three run blast to force a game six back in St. Louis. They didn't pack it in and quit. It would have been easy. Everything up to that point pointed to failure.

However,they stayed. They played. The won.

I hope they go all the way. But I understand that they might not win everytime. But my lesson still remains. You never know what's going to happen in the end and no matter how bleak it may seem, you got to stay in the game and play it to the end because that's when truly amazing things can happen. You have to have the fortitude to give those things a chance to happen.

It's not easy, but necessary in times of trial and I'm not just talking about baseball. I can easily apply it to my current situation. So, what am I going to do?

Pick up the proverbial bat and swing for the fences. I just need to play a hard nine.

Too Many Questions, No Answers

It's been four days since I spoke to Nikki last. Kohl's corporate hasn't called back yet. I was planning to go to Knox's homecoming this weekend, but now I find I lack the funds and the will to visit old friends. I think I'd be rather poor company anyway.

So what am I doing now? Sitting and sulking are my two favorite activities of late. I have not abandoned my job search. I've even expanded my jobsearch beyond Milwaukee and even this country. Several people have mentioned the JET program, where you to and teach english classes over in Japan. They pay you fairly well and they take care of your living arrangements and all that jazz. Only trade off is that I'd be out of the country for at least two years.

But then again, would that be so bad? I've always believed that one's life choice gravitated around three things:

1. What do you want to do?
2. Who do you want to be with?
3. Where do you want to live?

I thought I had the answers all these questions. I was trying to make one more piece of the puzzle fit. Lately, I've been thinking that I may have been pounding a round peg into a square hole. Not matter how badly you may want it, it just won't work. Perhaps the recent events are a sign that my fortunes really do lie elsewhere.

Which leads me back to Nikki. Boy, I really screwed up there. I've tried to call her, but all I've been able to do is text her a weak ass "What are you doing tonight?" Was I really expecting her to wait there patiently while I got my shit together? It's been three years since I finished my masters and I have very little to show for it. She and I have been together for seven going on eight years and what do we have to show for it?
A lot of "soons..." and "we've got all the time in the world." Very romantic sounding sentiments early on, but they sound very hollow after awhile. And seven years counts as a long while.

I don't blame her for wanting to move on, look for something much more promising. I just hate myself for feeling this way now. I'm toruturing myself by the phone, waiting for either her or Kohl's to call. I'm holding on to some kind of hope that my life here, my life with her can be fixed.

Or, maybe, I've just run out of time?

Sort Out Your Life

I got a bit of a shock this morning. Last night, I went to visit my girlfriend because she was feeling bit under the weather. I stayed for the night and when I woke up this morning, she said that we should break up...that is until I found a job. Her reason being that she didn't want to be a distraction to me and that she had to concentrate on her own school work. All good reasons, I guess, but I had to ask her how long she'd been thinking about doing this.

Lately, she said, she's been thinking about it all the time. I told her that I wanted to get established (i.e. permenant job) before we got engaged/married. We'll, I've been out of school for two years and we've been together since my sophomore year of college. So that's about seven years. I can understand why she's tired of waiting for me to get "established."

So what now? I have so many unanswered questions that if I got into them right here, I'd succeed in only paralizing myself through analysis. So, I find it best to just narrow it down to three things.

1. Find a job.

2. Get Nikki back (if she's still there).

3. Sort out life.

Eyes on the Road and Hands Behind the Wheel

Back to Milwaukee...

My only regret about this weekend is that I didn't have a lot of time to just hang with my parents. Most of the time they were working, and the time we were together was spent running around amidst general large family get-together chaos. It was fun though.

Seems like every one of my cousins are producing offspring. The ones they already had have grown so much since I've seen them. It really neat to see them growing, although it's making me feel too long in the tooth.

Keep my Uncle Manny in your prayers. He wasn't feeling too well at my cousin's birthday party and was taken to the hospital. Turns out he needed a quintuple bypass. I don't know how's he's doing now, but for the moment no news is good news.

Anyway, I'm back on the road tomorrow morning...early. Spending time with the family is always a good thing. I'm already looking forward to my next visit.

I Have a Dagger that is +9 Against Ogres...

Smart Paladin 74% Combativeness, 26% Sneakiness, 76% Intellect, 72% Spirituality

Valorous! Noble! Or possibly just a self-righteous jerk (but with the brains to keep you alive!)... You are a Smart Paladin! Paladins are holy warriors. They are valorous defenders of the light. Unfortunately, most of them are so ardent in their defense they tend to meet sticky ends faster than you can say "rampaging red dragon." Many people look up to Paladins, while others just consider them stuck up, overbearing, or self-righteous. Fortunately for you, unlike most Paladins, you're pretty smart. Which means that you're more likely to fall into the "admired" category, rather than the "obnoxious" or "dead" categories. Much like the crusades, you manage to combine violence and religion, though unlike the crusades, you add a healthy does of intelligence. You may be a staunch defender of the faith, a valorous champion of the weak, or the stuff that jihads are made of. Which ever one you are, just be happy that you’ve got the smarts to back it up and make it work.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 85% on Combativeness You scored higher than 26% on Sneakiness You scored higher than 68% on Intellect You scored higher than 95% on Spirituality

Link: The RPG Class Test written by MFlowers on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test